Tropical Storm Fay

Sitting outside on my patio last night, I see the palm trees bending and dancing as the wind swishes through, rain lashing down through the screen and into the pool.  The breeze whips into all these directions and I know we are experiencing one of the outer bands.  As Fay approaches Florida, she brings layers of weather phenomenon - some quiet and hot and still (the calm before the storm), some violent and strong (pelting rain, blowing winds, dark skies). 

   

It makes me appreciate why I am here in Florida, the look of my trees and bushes - all green and lush, like a tropical rainforest.  The smell in the air is tantalizing and clean.  Off with the A/C; goodbye to the electricity - time to hang outside and see the miracles of the Great Goddess as she balances our ecosystem.  And the beauty, the gift, is that the WORLD as I know it - finally stops and heeds Mother Nature.  People stay home, stores are closed, schools are closed, everything gets simple again.  Not many things can do that like a storm from MAMA EARTH.

It's given me an opportunity to nap some more and be still (learning more Meow and Doggess- Goddess lingo) and READ.  I love to read.   I have a stack of books by my bedside, one on the dining room table, a stack in the Creative room and a full library in the Goddess Studio.  I have done much of my intellectual learning by reading.  It keeps me open to new ideas and others' life stories.

                   

Yesterday, the three books of choice being digested were:  HERLAND, by Charlotte Perkins Gilman as recommended by Goddess Christina who I am totally missing laughing with at Tuesday's mornings Hollywood Laughter Yoga Circle.

This book was written in 1915 by a Goddess who was truly aHEAD of her time.  She writes a story of a country called HERLAND where only women reside that gets explored by three men.  The book is written from HIS perspective.  And what is so awesome, is that her astute observations and visions are so compelling and true NOW, even though it was written so long ago.  Reading this book made me feel hopeful and happy.

 

Describing herself as a humanist, Gilman wrote that: "it is only in social relations that we are human...to be human women must share in the totality of humanity's common life.  Women, forced to lead restricted lives, retard all human progress.  Growth of organism, the individual or social body requires use of all of our powers in four areas:  physical, intellectual, spiritual and social."

BE THE PACK LEADER by Cesar Millan.

And interestingly enough, in this book, I had just read - the four things needed for healthy human balance are intellectual, emotional, spiritual and instinctual. This great book is all about communicating with a pack member through ENER-chi.  Kudos to WSM Cesar for thanking and acknwledging women in the first seven pages of this book.  And for his VIEW that women hold the KEY to helping put our world back into balance. 

Hmmm, I see so many connections. Tee hee!!! Let me dig further in these gardens and see what else crops us...

I am also really enjoying this book called Mama Gena's Marriage Manual.  Yummy!!!  This Goddess runs a School of Womany Arts in New York.  Any Goddesses ready to check it out with me, let me know.   She advocates building a village by creating and surrounding yourself with Sister Goddesses.   I'm in!!!  

I will share more as I absorb more.

Thank you Tropical Storm Fay for empowering and educating me while slowing me down to my instinctual ANIMAL nature.  Back to the hammock I go.  Tee hee!!!

Quest for MommieHood

"They have so many children.  I am so out of that loop.  How is your quest for MommieHood?"  

Those were Goddess Lisa's chosen posted words - so innocent and seemingly peaceful - so much emotion and memories evoked and released and this time, I just let it go through me and breathed through it -  the turmoil is subsiding (there are still a last couple layers of sludge to release, a few last translucent layers of the onion to peel).  However, I am open to it all, now.  Especially now, as I prepare to flow and RE-lease my precious egg (the one necessary to open the doors to MommieHood).

I am at peace with where I am - not traveling on any loop that I am familiar with.  No three kids for me by the age of 40.  No LITTLE PEEPS of the human variety. Although, counting my blessings and completely grateful -  we have grown in LEAPS and BOUNDS.   Noah finally said YES to doggess-goddess energy.  That's taken YEARS.

I used to feel ENVI-ous (Jealousy's CUZ) of other women when they were pregnant with their bellies round and full.  I would feel hurt when friends would call and announce yet another one and then stopped seeing us because we were the odd ones out.  I used to cry when the Egg fell out and the lining released and I bled.  It didn't help that parents, family, friends and strangers reminded me that I was getting up in the years or the famous "NOW or NEVER" or that "biological clock" ticking.

Our society seems to look at women giving birth after 30 as anomalies.  I held those beliefs too, for a long time.  And the fears that I would not have the opportunity in this lifetime.  And I was angry and bitter.  And not in a good space.  And also, at the time, unhealthy and overweight and unhappy.

My love of my life and my partner for the last almost 12 years, Noah, told me, just have a little FAITH.  Now, Noah is a very good man.  He might be slow on delivery however if he says something is going to happen, it happens.  I mean, hello, this is the guy who built the Ark and brought the animals two by two.  Tee hee!!!

So, I took a deep look within to see what needed to shift.  My attitude for one.  My habits for another.  Bye bye killing myself with cigarettes or obliterating my brain cells with alcohol. Hello early morning walks and meditation and stretching and weights. A few massive thick layers removed.

Bye bye television set in the living room, television set in the bedroom.  Hello to learning about my energy and rooting myself in nature and connecting with trees.  Bye Bye chicken and fish and eggs and milk.  Hello yummy veggies and fruits and new recipes.  Bye bye to painful thoughts and low self esteem.  Hello to strong and sexy body and positive affirmations and being here in the Now.

The tears dried up and FAITH showed up.  I mean, I have always been a late bloomer.   And, double hello, in the Bible, Sarah has her first child at 90 years old.   And like I said, if Noah says it's going to happen, it's going to happen.  And then I found other Goddess sisters on the internet who were going through the same thing.  My favorite read is Goddess Boho Girl who shares her feelings and thoughts on this topic so exquisitely.

And it made me ponder.  Things that make you go hmmmm....  What if the Universe has something in store for me greater than I expected for myself?  Then I started paying attention - observing all around me - TWINS - everywhere we go.  We met 8 year old twin boys on our last cruise and 7 year old twin girls.  On the beach this weekend, twin girls.  Bought a new cooktop, our salesman is a twin - runs the shop with his twin brother.  It makes me laugh. A childhood book that left a deep impression on me was Jacob Two Two & The Hooded Fang. Operative words being TWO TWO.  Tee hee!!!

And what if I need to prepare myself double time? I mean I have been learning and studying and researching for an unconventional birth. No hospital and doctors for me. I'm giving birth in the water with Noah right there behind me to catch the baby, babies, tee hee!!!  I read Ina May's books about Spiritual Midwifery and Guide to Childbirth.  I will be giving birth while experiencing delicious orgasms.  And my trip to the Farm has finally been rescheduled so I can learn and feel the energy firsthand.  Yay!!!

And what about my FEARS - and I had a lot of those - I am a SENSITIVE - I am very sense-oriented - get overwhelmed when my senses are all stimulated - need quiet time/still time/Meow independent time to get myself together.  Sharing my body from the inside out- How does a woman like me give birth and not lose it???  or maybe I am meant to lose IT -  whatever IT means (hmmm.... big shift.... where once before that filled me with fear and trepidation, I am glad to say I am actually looking forward to this with anticipation and wonder).

Being that I never cared for school, I created BIRTH CAMP for myself - a fun way to learn all the components and facets of pregnancy and birth in preparation for the big moment and experience.  Now that the floodgates have been released, now that I BELIEVE,  my heart is open and I am ready to share more of this path I am taking.

I know that there is a greater plan in store for Noah and me. And the gifts - so many - my patience level has expanded, the communication and intimacy between Noah and me, the self-love for myself, the sacred space we are creating.  I am like a seed waiting to sprout, knowing that a little more rain and sunshine and time will allow me to stretch and reach out beyond the earth until I can feel the wind blow and see the moon glow.

P.S.  The work of art above was created by my very talented Goddess Sister Patricia J. Mosca  It sits on my desk and reMINDs me.  Thank you for your inspiration and commitment to creating and playing and sharing.

Doggess Goddess Language

I've always been a Cat.   Physically in many other lifetimes although I still feel it in my bones and in my heart meow.  As such, it has always been easy for me to intuitively communicate with Meows.  Mine, those I meet on the street, those who cross my path...

Trying to learn how to communicate with GingerMama, my Doggess Goddess, I am trying too hard, not exhibiting patience, reading too many "experts" that do not resonate with my heart.   So, I stopped.  I took a deep breath.   GingerMama and I went outside to try something different.  I  sat at my creative table and made some space.   Tackled a pile of paper - things torn out from magazines, old cards, funky paper - sorting and clearing and cutting and filing.  And I relaxed and released the stress of learning a new process and not being kind and gentle with myself.

Ginger Mama was laying out under the table, sprawled out and sleeping peacefully. All of a sudden, she let out a yawn and gave a big stretch and I felt her toe pads touch mine.  Our feets were connected.  I had an A-HA moment.

My Goddess Auntie Catalina was the first to share with me how wonderful the scent of the paws and the toes of a doggess goddess can be.  And I truly get the scent thing.  Reverting back to my animal nature and connecting with GingerMama in an earth form.  

For me, however, it was the heat.  The heat emitting from her toes.  The transfer of heat from her toes to my toes and the wave of ener-CHI that transferred into me.    If I remember my high school Physics correctly -  heat transfer from GingerMama to Goddess changes the internal energy of both systems involved (possibly Law of Thermodyamics).   And it happened.   A warm, loving exchange of energy that had us both sighing and stretching and happy.

I have practiced this for years with my Meows - taking daily naps and quieting my mind and slowing my body down.  Body to body, connected by fur and skin, allowing the Ener-chi flow from Meow to me.  Letting the Meow heat and purr vibrate through my skin and into my bones and flow through my veins.  It makes for an awesome internal massage.

To show me that I am getting it and keep up the good work, the Universe sends me a sign.  Among the pile of dog training/language books I have, Cesar Millan (the Dog Whisperer)'s book, Be The Pack Leader, jumps off the shelf and lands open on Page 120 - "...learning how to communicate rules, boundaries and limitations through ENERGY.  There is no substitute for that energy and bond - no tool that money can buy - and almost no experience on earth can rival the kind of spiritual closeness that occurs when you and your dog are truly, naturally in sync."

By Goddess, I think I've got it!!!

"IN ORDER TO REALLY ENJOY A DOG, ONE DOESN'T MERELY TRY TO 

TRAIN HIM TO BE SEMIHUMAN.  THE POINT OF IT IS TO OPEN 

ONSELF TO THE POSSIBILITY OF BECOMING PARTLY A DOG"

- Edward Hoagland

Sunday Scribblings#124 - Observations

What is it that we observe?
Is it what we see with our eyes?
Is it what we hear with our ears?
Is it what we feel with our hearts?

Do we really see everything in front of us?
How much do we process and understand?
Do we focus on what has meaning for us?
Can we see and just be?

I do my best observations when I am in nature. No distractions of the world, I am one with the Earth and whatever appears before me. That is not the case today as it thunders and pours. And I attempt to respond to this prompt.

I am sitting in the living room, trying to write this piece - a candle is lit, meditative music by Snatam Kaur is playing, my husband is talking on the phone in another room, it is pit-pit-pattering on the roof while the wind is blowing through the trees as the rain smacks down on the ground. I attempt to quiet my mind and focus and write - my cat Zeko appears before me.


I take a deep breath and let go of any thoughts and OBSERVE - he enters the living room and gives a nice stretch, walks to the couch and jumps up to sit near me. He lays his little head on my lap and looks up. He twitches his ear and gives me a wink - slowly closing both eyes and reopening them again - I LOVE YOU in meow language.

Cat language is all about observation. It is a wordless communication that speaks volumes through body language. A yawn, a flick of the tail, an ear shooting up in the air, a purr - and if you are not paying attention and observing, you miss it. The opportunity to communicate with another soul, a different species, a little PEEP. It took me a few years of disengaging and BEING to get it. Lots of naps and stillness so the Meows are comfortable to communicate and share with me.

I am in the process of learning Dog Language - I was stuck on the fact that it was something new & I wasn’t getting it. I am reMEMBERing now that it is just a process of OBSERVATION. Time for me to sit still and notice what body language happens when. Time to be patient and LEARN through OBSERVATION. Time to listen with my heart and watch with my eyes until I understand what Ginger Mama is trying to say.

NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH LOVE

I had been concerned about Ginger Mama's behavior - separation anxiety, the books label it. She was running from window to window, slobbering and reaching up attempting to open doors, scratching with her nails which would leave marks in the wood. No, TRUTH, I wasn't really concerned about Ginger Mama. I was concerned about Noah.

Noah, my wonderful husband, is a complete VIRGO. Total order man - cannot appreciate chaos and how it leads to new order - and totally focused on the minutiae. Getting all bent out of shape when he saw slobber or wood splinters - failing to see that the rest of the house was in great condition, no cords chewed up, no furniture torn, no peepee or pooh in the house to contend with. 

His best solution was to contain Ginger Mama. He tried locking her up in the bathroom. She got out. He tied her leash to the toilet and then closed the door. She got out. He tied her up outside to a tree in the shade. She dug up the garden. He bought a big cage. She broke it. He got a gate and left her in the kitchen. She jumped onto the counter and met him at the door. 

And Noah got a little crazy - ranting that Ginger Mama was destroying his home and she needed to go.   Raising his voice in frustration that his universe was changing because of the BowWow.  Once Noah was calm, we sat down and I explained to him that adoption was for keeps.  There was no sending GingerMama back. Back where? We had made a commitment to this new soul to provide her with shelter and love. We weren't going back on our WORD because we were having ISSUES adjusting.

I had read in a book that I was spoiling GingerMama with too much attention and love and had created this situation of separation anxiety. My YogaMommy straightened me out and explained to me that THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH LOVE. GingerMama was just adjusting to her new life. Every time we left she did not know if we would come back, if she was going back to the vet, the pound, or whatever HELL she had left behind.

And it all came together for me.  I told Noah that we had a highly intelligent dog who was just getting used to her new life.  We would need to have patience and LOVE and treat her like we did our Meows.   Noah thought about this and looked into GingerMama's eyes. The war was over.  We stopped locking her up. We spoke to her gently before leaving - telling her where we were going, when we were coming back. We left her on the red couch with a big bone to chew on. 

Now, GingerMama is calmer. She knows we are coming home. She still exhibits pent up energy when she sees us but she is no longer creating havoc in the house.  And Noah has found more peace. No longer threatening to send her away or accusing her of hurting our home. He's even agreed that the red couch is all hers and that we need her permission to share her sacred space. Tee hee!!!

Re-TREAT with Goddess Leslie

     

We gave ourselves permission.  We took the time to nurture our Inner Children.  We planned a 48 hour reTREAT.  We wrote down a list of things we wanted to accomplish, PLAY, do.  We put in some exercise, yummy food, and of course ART time.  No husbands, no response-abilities.  Just our list, ourselves and doggess-goddess Mandy.

Goddess Leslie picked me up from Laughter Yoga at the Senior Center on Tuesday and we headed for the BEACH.  We dipped and swam and detoxed from the top of our heads down to our feet.  And then we sat on the steps of a walkway and dried off.  We talked and then were silent.  Such a comfortable space to be together.

Goddess Leslie's husband is out of town - we have the house to ourselves - we opened up windows and turned the Air Conditioning off.    We prepped our space with candles & music. We made some Hibiscus Iced Tea a/k/a Karkade.  

We nurtured our bodies with some yummy food.  Using a base of lettuce, red cabbage and carrots, we added apples, lentil beans, cranberries and some walnuts for a delicious salad.  We also pulled out some recipe books and attempted some menu planning.    Another thing completed off our list.

We cleaned up.   And then we entered the garage - Goddess Leslie's ART Studio Extraordinaire. We pulled out paints and brushes.  And put on some smocks.  And then Goddess Leslie presented me with a full sheet of paper.

A little daunting and ominous.  I was up for the challenge.  This was the reason for our Re-TREAT in the first place.  BIG ART!!!  I started to paint - no thinking, just feeling  - colors and shapes and happy!!!  The painting below took me two days to complete.  It made my heart sing. It felt good looking at it and painting it.  No rules, no format - just pick a color and paint.  I even stayed up until 11:00 p.m. (way past my bedtime) to add detail and color and expression.

Completely euphoric from the creation that was occurring, we took out the bicycles at 11:00 p.m. and under a nearly full moon rode around with Doggess-Goddess Mandy in a backpack. With the beautiful evening breeze and the slight sensation of doing something "against the rules" we returned home full of energy.  Before retiring for the morning (12:35 a.m.) we decided what our priorities were for the next day and went to sleep.

The next morning, I sat on the patio and did a yoga routine and was rewarded by the pretty duck that came out to encourage and inspire me.  Goddess Leslie woke up and we took another bike ride right to the swimming pool for a morning swim.  When we returned, we made some yummy fruit shakes with berries and peanut butter and almond milk.  And then right into the Art studio we reTREATED.

This time our music selection had no words  - we chose classical music.  For me, I found that this helped me focus and really connect to that Source from above which flowed through me to the paper.

We set the table for lunch and were joined by Goddess Lisa for a most delicious lunch of another salad creation (this time, we added garbonzo beans and strawberries and pine nuts to our base) and leftover pasta from dinner which we converted into a pasta salad.

Goddess Lisa went to paint while Goddess Leslie and I went upstairs to the bedroom to tackle her closet.  Armed with my computer and list of things to be completed, she tried on clothes and cleaned out her closet while I went through the list and contacted, send emails and tied up a whole bunch of loose ends that were overwhelming Goddess Leslie.  And we got the closet tidied up and a huge pile of clothes ready for GoodWill.

What was truly amazing was the ease and peace between us - women being together, working and producing and sharing and collaborating  - no stress, no pressure, no RESISTANCE - just a spirit of cooperation and understanding that we were moving forward and making things happen.

And though we did not go anywhere, creating space for us to play and disconnect from the Outer World helped us completely replenish.  Spending time together, as women, friends and sisters and doing things that nourished our soul as well as our bodies, even for this brief period of time, was so lovely and beneficial. 

We were flowing so well, I wasn't ready to go home and Goddess Leslie wanted me to stay.  You know what happens when two powerful women put their heads together.  All sorts of havoc is created.

With these two little thoughts put out to the Universe,  the weather turned ferocious.  Massive thunderstorms and a heavy downpour.  Goddess Leslie's husband's flight was delayed.  Her car broke down.  And our play time was extended for another hour.  It gave us time to get an hour of Scrabble played.  And one last thing off our list.  Tee hee!!!

Songs that touch my soul

These songs had a profound impact on me growing up.   

I would wait for these songs to play on the radio so I could record them.  I would have my tape recorder waiting - pushing on the play and record button at the same time, praying that the DJ would not talk over the start of the song.  And then, I would play them over and over again, trying to get all the lyrics down on paper.  My poor parents.  I must have driven them crazy, listening to the same songs over and over again.  Tee hee!!!

Now, this is not an all encompassing list.  However, these songs are from my childhood.  And I still enjoy them to this day.

Hope you enjoy this blast from the past!

ABBA - I have a Dream

BONEY M - By the River of Babylon

BILLY JOEL - Honesty

Born to Be Alive - Patrick Hernandez

FunkyTown - Pseudo Echo

Hold on Tight - Electric Light Orchestra