Becoming Whole Again

Grieving - GRIEF - Letting go

I didn't think this applied to me. NO-body has died recently - my life is charmed - and yet I have the symptoms, I am feeling, I am grieving.

Definition of grieving: "When we experience any kind of devastating loss, whether it is the loss of a loved one, a dream, or a relationship, feelings may arise within us that are overwhelming or difficult to cope with."

I have been separated from many WO-men this year, Sister Goddesses - who are traveling different paths. Yet for the most part, I have come into acceptance - one of the last stages of grief - understanding that people come into your life for a season, a reason ... and being grateful for the gifts they shared.

What I am really grieving for is my physical loss - being torn apart from my EGG. This egg that I have had since I was conceived and birthed. This egg carrying my X chromosomes as well as those of my mother's, my mother's mother's and her mother before that. This Egg that could have been fertilized .... And lately, the losing of this Egg is causing me great GRIEF. My uterus sheds its lining and I bleed - tears for the Earth. I feel so empty, my container is leaking, I cannot take anything in.

So I go through the stages - Denial, ANGER - Rah!!!, bargaining, dePRESSion, acceptance -the great spiral of GRIEF that floods my body with emotions once a month until I lose my balance.

Caught up in all the sludge of FEELINGS and hor-MOANs and stories. Our society would rather not talk about this miraculous gift we Goddesses have and the powers it bestows upon us when we embrace the cycle. Sigh!!! I am surely trying to do that.

And then I have wonderful moments of GRACE when I can laugh and find my strength and faith to carry on until the next egg is ready to O-VU-late. I know I will find my center again. I am learning to ground and flow with the grief and let it course through me and EMbrace the wonderful energy it gives me - the healing heat in my hands, the knowing in my heart and the visions of my third eye. The creative juices that it sparks if I BREATHE and feel the GRIEF whole-ly and HOLY.

I am reLEARNing how to move through the PAIN and dance with my grief. How to heal myself and give up the suffering and experience the uncomfortableness and breathe through the tightening. Allowing my ES-sense to BREATHE and SWAY. Dancing with life. Flowing with my body.

Waiting patiently for the EGG that chooses to stay and play.