Goddess Ruby Meow

On Monday, my Ruby Meow died. She took her last breath in the cool shade of the palm tree as she lay facing the house. We found her Tuesday morning and disposed of her body. We cried and yelled a little as we dealt with the reality of a dead body in June in Florida.

I cried as I brushed my teeth. I cried as I braided my hair. I cried as I hugged Noah. And then I took a deep breath and composed myself. We got into the car and drove off to Laughter Yoga. I didn't feel like going or leading the Circle or being out in the beautiful Sun.

We got to the Park and I took in the trees and the leaves. I breathed in their aromas. I absorbed the pureness and stillness of nature. I greeted two squirrels who were kind enough to share the picnic table with my purse and sign-in sheet. I sat on the table facing the lake and put my thumb and Jupiter fingers together and took a deep breath. And let go and surrendered to my feelings of abandon and love and grief and hurt and fear and sadness. I took another deep breath and I found the gratitude.

Images and feelings flitted through my head and heart as I remembered the wonderful naps Crone Goddess Ruby Meow and I shared. She taught me about shiatsu and the power of touch. She initiated me into the language of the soul and the signs to focus on. She reminded me of the gifts of YOGA and putting ME as first priority. She held onto my chest and put her heart next to mine as we exchanged energy and purred together. She was my sensitive One.

Laughter Yoga really helped. Laughing - the other side of crying - and deep breathing and shaking my body. My wonderful community of Laughter yogis and yoginis - sharing their energy and getting and giving hugs. That alleviated so much of the sadness - helped me focus on what truly matters. In the healing circle, I placed Crone Goddess Ruby Meow - knowing and feeling her freedom and happiness.

I am overflowing with emotion and it is so RAW.

Maybe It's Time

Goddess Patti shared these words on her blog.  It was what I needed to crack my shell.

Maybe it's time to take care of yourself.
maybe it's time to scream out loud
that you don't have the answers
and you just plain can't figure out what
it's all about...

maybe it's time to stop doin' the half ride.
maybe it's time to step into it all.
to weep your guts out.
to hurt all the way to your core.
to allow the hurt to be there.

....TERRI ST.CLOUD

Two paragraphs from Goddess Terri that touched my soul today as I prepared to OPEN and share my inner world. Everything is so RAW right meow. Hurting all the way to the CORE. Sitting with it. Accepting it. Surrendering to it.

Raw and messy world of FEELINGS - sensations in the bones and the belly - sadness in my stomach - feeling yucky - clenching stomach muscles and fists as I resist. Allowing the hurt to be there.

Breathing .......... Breathing ........ Breathing....

On the yoga mat as I stretch and breath, I feel her under my arm, her tail swishing by my skin, her fur rubbing up to mine, caressing me with her gentle touch. A deep breath. Giving in to the Moment and entering my body.

She died with such grace. A queen sprawled out on Mama Earth shaded by a luscious frond of leaves from the palm trees. She had a view to the ArtRoom and the pool and ME. In the hammock. Feeling sick. Feeling her. Not knowing. KNOWING. Hurting. Healing.

Breathing......... Breathing........... Breathing

Allowing the hurt to be there. Huge cell memory release. Shifting. Letting Go. Surrendering. Aaaaaahhhhhhhhh.

Breathing......... Breathing........... Breathing

I am so blessed for the eight OM-mazing years of my life that I spent in the Divine presence of Goddess Ruby Moew.

I am so grateful.

Wishing you,
Peace & Love, Just Because,
Goddess Diana