Monday, December 1, 2008

Being Stuck

It's been 18 days since I last wrote.

So much stuff is happening in my life and I am not able to process everything at one time. I'm funny like that. I get full up and if I can't share or express, I get stuck. Mentally first and then physically.

MENtally, the little one within rebelled. She was so unhappy about how things were piling up and not being heard, she stopped sharing. Physically, I have this malaise - this feeling of being in a strange space, one not completely known to me. Perhaps I am growing again, squeezing out of this old skin, shedding.

horoscope says it so well: "For being so moody now, you really are quite stable emotionally. It's almost like there's two different stories being told simultaneously. The first is about your feelings, but as soon as you know exactly what they are, there is change. The second story is about holding your feeling constant, beneath the surface currents. Remember, the deeper you dive, the greater the stillness."

I have been moody. Sad. And joyful. And glad. And sad. And QUIET. Me and the Meows in bed - the weather is cooperating - humidity has dropped and there is a little chill out there (or it may be within me as my toes are cold). It's gray and rainy - although the view from my window is divine -

Where do I begin? Feelings, nothing more than feelings. Learning to let them come up and perceiving the world through them and then letting them go. No need to do anything but observe. And see how that feels in my body. And then pee and release the toxins that are moving about.

I have so much to be grateful for this Monday:

1. I am I am going to Jamaica on Wednesday.
2. I am turning 40 on January 12.
3. I am surrounded by two lovely Meows warming my bones and radiating energy into me.
4. I am alive. My body works. Had a lovely walk with GingerMama this morning. Saw a star peeking between the clouds. Made it home before the downpour of rain.
5. I am grateful for the rain today that is nourishing my banana trees which are late bloomers like me.