Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
We started a Wednesday tradition - she comes over and spends the day. I am blessed with her presence for six to eight months of every year when she lives in Florida. She takes the morning train at 7:30 a.m. and by 8:00 a.m. I pick her up for our rendez-vous. Ginger Mama joins me in the drive to the train station and grudgingly gives up her front seat for my mama.
We've been doing this for 3 years now - on and off - this year more on then off. She comes over and hangs out. We go to the beach or walk in the park or take naps or hang in the jacuzzi - all depending on the Moon and her position and if the Meows would like to be with us or not.
It was not always like this. I spent years not liking her. She was thin. I was fat. She was very laid back. I was very uptight. She would say NO. I would rebel.
Watching people line up to vote made my heart swell. So many people turned out to have their say and STAND UP and BE COUNTED. It was such a powerful vibration to see and feel and be a part of. We voted too on Tuesday morning. I was not surprised that Obama won. HIS-STORY repeats itself. After eight years, we Americans tend to flip flop - swing to the other side and try something different for a change. The Bush reign of eight years is over.
For me, this is fabulous. Following HIS-story means that our next president will be a WOMAN. That excites me enough to have the patience and grace to accept what these four years will bring in preparation for what will be.
Go Goddesses!!! Go Goddesses!!! Go Goddesses!!!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
It's been relatively COLD here in South Florida.
I say relatively because it's all a matter of perspective. There are places out there that are truly cold - temperatures registering below 0 and experiencing snow. We don't have anything like that. Once the sun rises, we get up to the 70s. Something about living in Florida or with humidity that makes the bones less capable of dealing with shifts in weather. Especially 30 degrees shift from dawn to dusk.
Something about the cold and dark and the deep recesses of the mind. It seems like I am exploring a deeper layer of dePRESSion and GRIEF. I am observing it and feeling it, yet not necessarily absorbed in it. Cell memories of a long time ago being activated.
For me COLD is when the chill sets into your bones and you just can't seem to warm up. It's always something I dreaded - WINTER. The extra layers, the clothes, the shoes, the longer darker days, living up North in CANADA. So restraining.
This year, I am accepting what is. Actually, I am going a step further. I am embracing it. Loving each and every minute of it. Allowing it to BE and me to be in it, happy. Changing my perspective. Looking for the gratitude.
It seems that part of the embracing requires preparing. I am not always prepared for winter. It always seems like such a shock to me when it arrives. I know - 40 years and I still don't always get it. I still have 3 sets of flipflops laying on my front perch. Tank tops galore and running shorts - can't always remember where I stored the sweaters and tights.
One of the joys in South Florida is when the temperature drops and the humidity lowers we can open our windows and turn off the A/C and feel fresh air from Mother Nature flow through the house. We open the windows while we drive and like a dog does, we sniff and smell and savor the exquisite stuff called oxygen. We cuddle up and use extra blankets and the Meows join us on the bed as we create our own heat. Tee hee!!!
Embracing what is - that's me.
Peace & Love, Just Because,
Monday, January 26, 2009
Goddess Christina invited me to a free concert back in December - an Open Exchange at the New World Symphony in South Beach on a Saturday night. Now, I am usually in bed by 9:00 p.m. and I am not in my element in a crowd. I was very surprised to hear myself responding: "Sure, I'll join you. That sounds like fun"
I almost went through with it too. Then I thought about my commitment. Drive on a Saturday night by myself to Miami and then South Beach - on a Saturday night - by myself. WSM Noah decided to make it easier for me. He offered to drive and escort Goddess Christina and I to dinner and a show. The shortest distance between two points is a straight line. Off we went. Hollywood Boulevard to A1A - BeachFront Avenue. As WSM Noah is weaving in and out of traffic in Sunny Isles, we are pulled over by an angry SUV - flashing its light and honking its horn - the POLICE.
WSM Noah found a parking lot to pull into. The officer came up to the car and asked for WSM Noah's driver's license. He was screaming at us asking Noah if his name was Collins. "Because you're driving like you own Collins Avenue", the cop spit out of his mouth. He was so mad, face red as a beet, chest heaving. WSM Noah just remained calm and answered the officer's questions. My feet were on the dashboard, knees bent, fingers in mudra - I'm breathing and looking forward and sending love vibes to this big guy. A few minutes later, the storm dissipated and he let us off with a warning. We drove off into the sunset. Alton Road - here we come.
We picked up Goddess Christina and made it just in time to find a prime parking spot in the street behind the theater. We walked all the way to Books and Books Cafe on the third block past Washington. It was excellent people watching and growing. The crowd of shoppers and pedestrians and people at cafes was less dense. I released my death grip on WSM Noah's hand as I relaxed and let go of the panic. Cell memories for my days of agoraphobia and panic attacks.
We had a quiet dinner outside - sandwiches and yummy salads. Great service - thank you James. Admiring the dogs and their owners strutting by. Looking through the windows of the art galleries. We stopped for some frozen yogurt at Blissberry. A free sample of chocolate at Starbucks. We ambled down to the theater and got there just in time to get some great front row seats in the mezzanine.
Onto the stage came two musicians and then three and back to two and then a group of seven - playing unique pieces of music not usually practiced in the symphony's repertoire. The artists shared with the audience what it was about the music that captured them and what to listen for - it was a very enjoyable evening. We were presented with four different styles of music and showmanship and combinations.
We got home by 11:30 p.m. We walked GingerMama and let go of the excitement and the energy of South Beach. We settled down into our own pace and headed off to bed. So much fun to try new things.
Thank you Goddess of Music for this wonderful opportunity to stretch and grow.
Peace & Love, Just Because,
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Funny this is the topic of the week. I have been spending these last few days in seclusion - learning how to deal with the emotions and feelings of grief. Dealing with my grandfather's death and how I feel about it. Being a witness and letting the storms within rage and subside.
With my grandfather's passing, an energy shifted. All the women in the family felt it. A huge relief and release. I know he is in a better place. He fluttered in on butterfly wings while I was talking to my aunt. He flitted and flotted and caught my attention and winked. Now, I feel this surge of energy within me. I breathe and let it be, just watching and waiting.
I am prepared to delve into my subconscious and see what is holding me back. Visit the phantoms and shadows lurking in my memories and locked into my cells. I am relaxed and ready for this adventure. It's like Book 1 has ended and Book 2 is just beginning.
Friday, January 23, 2009
He died alone in his apartment,
He had managed to push everybody away...
I did not know this man well. My mother's father, my grandfather, would flit in and out of my life when I was younger - always larger than life - coming back from trips to Europe and South America - an accomplished pianist, an artist, a chef. Smoking his cigarettes and always wearing a foulard (scarf) around his neck -he was more a movie star then a grandfather.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
I expect so much.
I want it all MEOW.
Over the years, I've been telling him so many things.
Met up with a lot of resistance.
Thought he didn't hear me.
He surprised me yesterday - after all of these years.
With his gentle manner and YES attitude.
There was so much love. We laughed.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
MAGIC - "Women practice magic by calling on the powers of the Goddess, their ancestors and animal allies. They use the power of nature, the power of the seasons, the sun, moon, and stars for help. They were very in tune with the natural world and used their knowledge of how the world of nature worked to their advantage." - Catherine Wishart, excerpted from Teen Goddess
COMMUNING WITH THE STARS - If I just put one foot in front of the other and SHOW UP, the Universe always responds in kind. Today, as I was mindfully walking under the stars, I asked for a sign that I was on the right path. A meteor entered the Earth's atmosphere and I saw what is known as a shooting star. I thanked the Universe for my sign and an owl came to perch along my path. She acknowledged me: I hear you, my child.
"I have come to believe..that what is most important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruise or misunderstood"
- Audre Lord
Monday, January 19, 2009
Closely related to Goddess Bast and a Meow in many previous lives, I have always preferred a solitary life. I am very introspective and a home body at that. I love my nap times and my yoga and meditation silences.
Today I was blessed with my good friend, Goddess Leslie. She held my hand as we went through three boxes of miscellaneous papers - things that gather on my desk and I hold onto for various reasons but don't seem to move forward with.
With her help and guidance, we went through the scraps and documents and miscellaneous clippings all piled up in these boxes and sorted and filed and surrendered. Let some of it go. Clearing the clutter. Creating space for something new.
And then we napped with the Meows and Doggess-Crone Goddess Mandy. Here's another FUNNY - we both napped deep yet are very light sleepers. One little sound and we are wide awake. Does this happen to others or just women?
I then went to her house and returned the favor. We tackled some piles, did some internet research and ordering and even had half a game of Scrabble. So funny how things get done faster when you have help. Tee hee!!!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
I am learning how very very true this is. For me, it's about SLOWING DOWN and BEE-come-ing more AWARE. Noticing & observing the little things. Being grateful that I can.
I feel the dew on the grass and the slightly sweet putrid smell of the mango trees as they blossom. I embrace the stillness in my neighborhood as GingerMama and I walk. We BE our light as we BREATHE and witness. So many trees to hug and exchange energy with - we smell each other and absorb elder-essence-scents.
Today is another beautiful day. The moon, the stars, the sun.
Peace & Love, Just Because,
Friday, January 16, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Goddess SmartGirl turned me on to Tut's Adventurer's Club where I signed up for a Thought for the Day.
This is what I received one day:
Yes, yes, yes and yes!!!
I contemplated this for a long time - going back into my HER-story - thinking about what knocked me down and what helped me bounce back. And what shift or changes I had to make in order to find the gifts and move forward and beyond where I was.
My soul was not FREE to BE me. I was fulfilling my parent's expectations and society's demands to be productive and have a job. I was following the MONEY myth (earn more, spend more). I was working crazy hours and I was very good at what I did but I was NOT happy. I was spending two and a half hours a day driving in rush hour traffic to go 36 miles.
It was all a pit of darkness and negativity to which I would show up with a smile and gusto to do my best. I would walk out confused and drained. My emotional state quickly manifested into a very sick physical state. I was crushing the life out of my body.
WSM Noah had his own business in aviation. As an enterpreneur in a new business, he was not always guaranteed a monthly infusion of cash. Not like the SECURITY of my twice a month paychecks and overtime and health benefits and being vested in my 401K. My benefits were covering us, just in case we ever got sick (the irony!!!) And how else would I keep on paying for my pills?
One day I quit. Just like that. My fear of DYING a life unlived was greater then my fear of not having money to pay the bills. My decision to change had been building for a long time. One day I hit rock bottom. I could not live this way a moment longer. I decided that it was time to explore something different. No more crazy drives to Miami. No more working insane hours with unhappy people. No more panic attacks.
I started working with Noah. The drive from our house to our office was 5 minutes. And I had no set hours since my husband was the boss. Within a week of working together, we made my yearly salary in one business deal. Tee hee!!! Within a month, I had all his accounts in order and collecting money from our customers. And the flow had just begun.
Tee hee!!! I can laugh now, in retrospect. I had been so conditioned. So - have a new job before you quit your old job - mentality. And all that does is keep you in the same space - different job, same issues. DePRESSion at not seeing any other options and thinking that the rest of my life would be the same.
I quit my pills too. Cold turkey. One day I felt strong enough to face life on its own terms. I started walking EVERY DAY. Being consistent with myself. Getting some air into my lungs and giving my body the exercise it was craving. Changing the way I was looking at things. Dreaming and having new thoughts. I started to cook and care about the food that was entering my body and nourishing my sacred vessel.
I started keeping my WORD to ME. The discipline I had for showing up to work, I was converting to doing things for myself. I was showing up for ME. I was changing my priorities to make ME and MY BODY the most important things in my world.
And for every little Baby Step I took, the Universe met me full force - people came into my life to encourage and support me - classes showed up that fit into my schedule. Gifts and opportunities poured in to support my lifestyle and give me the time to BE me - actually, to even figure out who that was.
To find out and see what an amazing child of the Universe I am. And allow me to find out if I liked scrambled eggs or poached or omelets (great scene at the end of Runaway Bride - KNOWING how resilient & strong I am. That I do bounce back and get HIGHer then I ever was before. And all it takes is FAITH....
Peace & Love, Just Because,
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
It's funny - people have a hard time with my name. In fact, more WOMEN then MEN. Tee hee!!!
WHAT IS A GODDESS?
WHO IS A GODDESS?
HOW DO WE FIND THE GODDESS WITHIN? Well, we have to KISS. KISS? Keep it SLOW and SIMPLE ~~~ and HUGs are good too.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
The Universe is conspiring to bring me everything I wish for. It's an AWEsome feeling. I just have to put the thought out there into the Universe and it happens. No effort required on my part. All I have to do is say YES.
12 days into the New Year and we are still driving a Lexus RX 350 thanks to the good guys at CountyLine Lexus hooking us up with a loaner while they tweak and fix our car. What a blessing!!! Everything is getting the once over as she approaches 100,000 miles. In the meantime, we love this car/mini SUV!!!
More importantly, Ginger Mama loves it. She has plenty of room in the back seat or cargo area. She's a little higher up and the windows go all the way down. I love it because you press a button and the back door opens or closes. And it's so roomy with all these windows and a sunroof.
And what an amazing weekend I have had leading up to my birthday. A 2 1/2 hour herbal compress massage on Friday by Noe at Suriya Thai Spa set the tone. Huge releases in my shoulders and back. I walked out feeling like butter, darling.
My brother, Vic and sister in law, Mama Goddess Yael and Bram and Nessy flew in on Saturday morning. We haven't seen each other in almost two years. We picked them up at the airport and they came over to meet GingerMama. We hung out for a little aAnd then we got back into the cars and dropped them off at the port for an eight day cruise. We get to reconnect on their return on Sunday. Very good!!! Very good!!! Yay!!!
And then Saturday night, we had a date night with Noah's sister, Mama Goddess Susana and her husband, Mark. We went to Lucille's Bad to the Bone BBQ Restaurant where I had this delicious Mahi Reuben. Great choices for pescatarians or vegetarians.
Noah had bought tickets for AbbaCadabra, an Abba spectacular. Oh what a blast. The singers were great. They looked and even sounded like the originals. Susana and I were out of our seats dancing and singing. Didn't get home until midnight. Tee hee!!!
Sunday - I walked 10 miles. Go Goddess!!! Go Goddess!!! Got a walk and talk at the beach with Goddess Leslie. Shopped Josh's Organic Market. Napped and jacuzzied and walked some more. Played frisbee with Noah and Ginger. Went to bed early.
I was out the door for sunrise this morning. GingerMama and I walking under the pink and orange skies above us as the sun came up. What a lovely way to start the day.
Noah hid birthday cards all around the house for me to find. It's like my own private treasure hunt. Here's one, tee hee!!!
And now, I'm off to yoga to stretch and open and appreciate.
Thank you for all the birthday phone calls and wishes and cards and Facebook messages.
I wish you,
Peace & Love, Just Because,