So many things going on in my life lately - and when I feel insecure or afraid, I shut down. The little girl inside clams up. She puts up walls. The writing and releasing and sharing of feelings and insights and observation stops. I haven't posted in over a month.
So many wonderful, terrible, beautiful, emotional things are occuring in my life. And just as the momentum builds and things are feeling better, something comes and knocks the wind right out of me. And the little soul inside runs and hides to the deepest recesses of my heart where I have not yet gained access.
Today my experience at the ocean gave new meaning to my life. In the shallow clear water as I am looking at the patterns of sand on the ocean floor and releasing feelings about our most recent encounter with family members , I see a blackish fin right over WSM Noah's shoulder. And I felt myself begin to panic.
"Honey, oh my goddess, there's a fish in the water with us." He swiveled and saw a dark mass in the clear waters just beyond his arm's reach. And then a fin came out of the water again. He told me to stay calm and stop moving. And so we stood there, in awe and with hearts pounding as the fish(es?) swam by, hooked a right turn and went on its merry way. That moment felt like a very very long time as the adrenaline in the body kicked in and the movies in the mind starting playing scenes from Jaws. And yet, a little voice within said: "What a blessing. We are swimming with the dolphins"
WSM Noah said nothing. He kept on looking at the dark mass in the water as it got further and further away. And then he said. "Out of the water - now - slowly". We made our way back to shore and marveled at the opportunity we had to swim among the true inhabitants of the Ocean.
I came home to assuage my fears and conducted internet research to see which inhabitants of the Ocean had graced us with their presence. And as I looked at different pictures of dorsal fins and read to see what fish are found in the shallow waters of South Florida's beaches - be it shark or dolphin - I found some pictures on Flicker that most resembled what I saw today. The first one belongs to Jabzg's photostream while the second one belongs to XoMissi's photostream
WSM Noah reminds me that just recently a young boy got bitten by a shark while playing in shallow waters. I am grateful that the fish in the water with us was more curious then hungry. I count my blessings that I can write about this and release any residual stress that came up with this experience. And I marvel at how the little one inside is so eager to share again.