Friday, March 20, 2009

The Good, The Bad and the Ugly

Ginger Mama & the Twins (Charlie and Ellie Mae)

(Originally written on 1/21/09 - posted today)

The Good - time with the Twins. We are dog-god and doggess-goddess sitting. We are with the twins again - Charlie and Ellie Mae. GingerMama loves being with her cousins especially since we are staying at the twin's house. And they have a big house - I am guesstimating at least 4000 square feet of it.

Last night, we all jumped in and onto the bed. The twins circled and huffed and hemmed until they were comfortable and plopped. GingerMama wanted to join us on the bed. She was tempted. However, she was aware of WSM Noah's discomfort and plopped herself by my side of the bed instead.

I am loving walking with all three. GingerMama takes the lead and Ellie Mae scurries her little paws to catch up while Charlie takes his time and walks by my heel. One stops to sniff, they all stop to sniff. Three sets of floppy ears and wagging tails. I am in heaven.

The Bad - the weather outside is frightening. I love sweater weather here in Florida. It is always refreshing to have a breeze and no humidity. However, it's going down low - to the 30's I hear tell. And the winds in the pre-dawn morning can be unforgiving if one is not prepared to deal. In Florida, this is sometimes difficult. Gloves, scarves and heavy winter material are not readily available. I think about all the other places in the World I could be and how blessed I am to be in Florida. I bundle up and Thank Goddess I am alive to enjoy this day. And the sun starts rising.

The Ugly - how I feel sometimes. Not ugly in how I look but rather in what I am feeling. Anger, frustration and fear. Unpleasant conversation with my grandfather yesterday- he has had it. He doesn't want to live in his condition anymore and would rather not be of this world. And he's angry - spitting venom. Angry at being alone (although it was his choice to stay in Canada by himself), angry at the hand life has dealt him (although his smoking and karma led him down this path). Lashing out at whoever still bothers to call and check up on him (me). Hard to talk to my Mom and Aunt as to what is really going on and what we can do to make it better. Feelings coursing through me that I have never allowed before. Thinking of how messed up it is that the women in this family are not close. It has been this way for most of my life and yet it seems so unnatural.

Funny how we learn to balance all these events and emotions on the inside and present a front on the outside that does not show the internal conflict. Back to
meditation so I can ground and find my center and better integrate all that is happening into ME.

The day I wrote this post, my Grandfather passed away. His passing opened the door to amazing communication between the women in the family - like we were liberated to BE and FEEL and SHARE. Thank you Peps!!!

Wishing you, Peace & Love, Just Because,

No comments: