Winter SOLSTICE

(This post was written in the last week of December, 2008 and edited in March, 2009)

Back from Jamaica two weeks now - and NO thing is the same any more.

Things that mattered no longer seem to hold the same importance. Being on the computer, checking my emails, reading. All of my focus has shifted. Spending time with Ginger Mama and the Meows. Enjoying my house, my sacred space. Being present as I learn to communicate with the four legged and all of the essence that makes up my home.

I strengthen a new skin below the surface as the old layer finally sheds. We reach the CORE - the HEART of the MATTER. Which has always been one of my favorite songs from Don Henley and the Eagles.

"I've been trying to get down To the heart of the matter
Everything changes And my friends seem to scatter
I think its about forgiveness Forgiveness"

And the weather/alignment of the stars and time of the year is affecting me. Winter. My mom and aunt are de-PRESSed as is my neighbour. An old part of me, that skin that has known this de-PRESS-ion is still holding on to my new skin. A cell memory that has been part of me for 40 years!!! Part of me is ready to share and the other part is keeping it all inside.

Perhaps a great sunning and baking will burn the skin off and help me shed what I no longer need. Perhaps a sea salt bath in the ocean of life where my insides and outside environment become one.

Not sure what any of this means - just feeling it. Allowing it to go through and letting it GO (GingerMama taught me this one - shaking it all off and letting the energy tumble off and out of me).

3 months later: In the 50's this morning. Have my period too. Feeling very sensitive. The skin has sloughed off in some spots yet stubbornly holds on to other areas. Breathing through it. Watching the process with love and compassion for the Little One within. Trusting that the gift of these moments will reveal themselves when the time is right.