Saturday, August 23, 2008
Sunday Scribbling #125 - How I met MEself
The prompt today was how did you meet your significant other, your best friend, your dog, your nemesis?
I thought about it for a long time. And what came up for me is that I am my significant other, I am my BestFriend, I am my Doggess/Goddess mirror animal nature and my own NEMESIS (my own Greek Goddess of retributive justice - thank you Merriam Webster).
I met "me" not too long ago. I mean "me" was living within this body for a long time. However, "me" was always reacting to what others wanted and thought. "me" was living unconsciously, not fully awake, not choosing, not KNOWING. - just trying to get by, live and let live. Living for my parents, my husband, my country, society.... reacting, not creating.
And one day, "me" hit rock bottom. A very sad and deep place to which I thought there was no way out. Of course there always is. It's just hard to see it from the bottom and through the tears and doubts. "me" was not fulfilling her life's purpose. "me" was not happy, not having fun, not living, surviving but not thriving. So, I stopped. I took a look around at my life - the things that are within my power to change - I and me - and got serious about living.
Now "me" - is a little PEEP - the one who lives within and has been hidden away. "me" is a small and sensitive old soul in a small body. "Me" is the three or four year old within who decided what we needed to do in order to survive. From this decision, this belief about how the world is, most of my fears and self-limitations grow. "Me" is the inner child that psychologists keep talking about.
I met "Me"self in photos - pictures I had tucked away in a box - afraid to look again with that critical voice and recriminating memories of a childhood gone wrong. And funny, upon going back and re"ME"mbering my childhood, my perspective and attitude changed. I was grateful for all the events that had shaped I into being - including those that happened to "me". I was no longer Afraid of the past - it had already happened. I am here now. Me is here now too.
I met MEself in the process of discovering the Goddess - in books, in stories, in HER-stories - this sense of something missing, a yearning fulfilled, a piece of the puzzle found. Me was ready to come out and play, provided it was safe (and I had created a sacred and safe space for many years meow). Me longed for nurturing (I have learned to do that; find pleasure and share Joy in my pursuits of life and liberty). And it is mandatory to have DISCIPLINE (this tells the little PEEP that you are looking out for her and your combined interests). This one I am still learning, although the muscle I have built gets stronger and stronger.
Learning my PRIORITIES really helped in coaxing ME out. For it helped me realize what was truly important and what was just fluff. And from this space of knowing - my little PEEP comes out to play and INspire and offer her clear and innocent view of the world.
For you see, the Goddess within emerges when the inner child (the "me") meets and merges with the Feminine Energy, the Adi Shakti.