Saturday, October 4, 2008

Sunday Scribblings #131 - Forbidden



"You're not allowed. Get out. Get away!!! Don't go there", she warned me.
"If you do, I will retaliate", she whimpered.

And she does. I find myself going to the kitchen and pulling out food - any food - something to stuff into my mouth and occupy my hands and hinder my writing.

Except I have to write. I have to let it go. It is time for me to be fully reconciled with what I have left behind. Time to go through that FORBIDDEN door and release any painful traumas that distort my worldview.

One of the things I love about YOGA, PILATES and MASSAGE is going past my comfort zone, stretching my body beyond what it knows and where it is comfortable going. Sometimes, I gingerly step over that line. Like a little tiptoe across that imaginary line of what I know. And sometimes, I take one big huge step (with a little help from my friends, la la la la la....)

Yesterday, at YOGA Dr. Steve's theme was FOUNDATION. Building a strong foundation - supporting ourselves to win. And the class was in-TENSE. Downward dogs and hip openers and handstands and right at the end we did a stretch - opening up the hips and the groin wider. I had a partner assist me and help open me up even further than usual.

And that's when I felt it. A tingling. A rush of blood perhaps. Entering into a place I had not been in a long time. Definitely stretched beyond my comfort zone. And now, cell memories being released, body sending signals to the subconscious and retrieving emotions and images in a rush of sensations as I hold my body and breathe into this place, an old space, feeling right into my face.

The tears are building right behind my eyes and a little lump forms in my throat. I immediately push it away. Not now, no time to go there. Not going to be vulner-ABLE in the presence of others.

And then the moment passes.

Today, I wake up and I am .... what is the word? un-comfort-ABLE - not in pain, not hurting, just experiencing a new dimension within my body - a little sore, a little out of sorts.

And I pull a Faery Oracle card - Epona's Wild Daughter - she speaks to me of inner shadows, de-PRESS-ion, MADness and GROWTH. Answering riddles so as not to be destroyed by my internal conflicts. ReMINDing me that I cannot go forward until I face something buried within that is holding me back. Urging me to heal the unresolved issue of who I really am and what I truly want to be. Time to open the FORBIDDEN door where my fears, inSECURE-ities, self-doubts and denials reside. Time to allow my growth.

BREATHE and pop a pretzel into my mouth. Tee hee!!! I have a whole bag. I am covered for whatever comes up.




(to be continued...)

7 comments:

SweetTalkingGuy said...

Love the idea of going through that FORBIDDEN door, but I don't think my weary body is up to YOGA!

linda may said...

Intriguing. A mixture of feelings in here.

B. Roan said...

To open that forbidden door is a scary thing. Even in fiction, there is truth. Enjoy the yoga! BJ

Granny Smith said...

This is somewhat mysterious but intriguing. And HOW do you put an animation like that on a blog? I almost hypnotized myself as a watched its graceful dance.

Marty E. said...

Never be afraid to stretch...that's what this post is about, I think...thanks for sharing, Diana.

Stan Ski said...

Often we find we do things forbidden to take our minds off the forbidden.

Goddess Diana said...

Hi Goddess Granny Smith,

I get some of the images I use from www.photobucket.com

They make it nice and easy to copy and paste and my favorite are animations that are nice to watch.

Thanks for stopping by and asking.

Wishing you,
Peace & Love, Just Because,
Goddess Diana